To be frank, I feel I had it all: screwing things up for someone, being screwed and getting burned for my hopes and my wild expectations. I had short distances, long distances and very long distance, willing to travel across the ocean for the person I loved or thought I loved.
I've also looked around and saw unhappiness and suffering from the people around me. People that have kids, married and being hurt by their partners whom they just chose to cheat on them. That's something that hurts even for me because I know it will break my heart and my life to pieces if something like that would happen to me. Somehow this has made me a bit cold, not having so many "butterflies" in my stomach with the fear of getting hurt or hurt the person next to me, or whether this period of so called happiness would end in an expected suffering or a boring routine. It's weird and somewhat depressing and I hope I get rid of this mentality soon.
But running long distances makes you think a lot of what you want and what you have. Overtime I have been thinking what would I want from the next person. Of course there is still the 4S rule: simple, sexy, smart, sensitive. Secondly: we live in a world that is not only about the city we live in, the country, it's about the whole freaking world. We live in a connected world and we all have a play in it. We all have an impact. If there's something that we need to do is to be less selfish, less superficial, more informed about the world around us and start doing more for the world around us and the community.
Secondly is about fighting for the other person and the other way around. I remember one story from Stephen Covey's book "7 habits of highly effective people" and it sounded like this:
"Stephen, I like what you're saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I'm really worried. My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can I do?"
"The feeling isn't there anymore?" Stephen asked.
"That's right," he reaffirmed.
"And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?"
"Love her," Stephen replied.
"I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."
"You don't understand. The feeling of love just isn't there."
"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."
"But how do you love when you don't love?"
"My friend, love is a verb. Love -- the feeling -- is a fruit of love the verb. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"
...and this goes both ways.
Lastly is time and action. I will not based any relationship on words and things that are said in the heat of the moment. I prefer to have a long lasting burning candle rather then a overnight camping fire that would get me through the night.
And who knows, maybe the person is just around the corner. :)